Friends: The Silent Architects of Life

Friendship: A Unique Type of Relationship

Friendship is a unique type of relationship. Unlike relationships such as those with parents, siblings, or a spouse—where a certain sense of formality or decorum naturally exists—with friends, there is a sense of equality. With friends, we share everything: our day-to-day experiences, thoughts, desires, and even our deepest secrets—things we often hesitate to share with our own family. The reason we enjoy the company of friends is simple: with friends, we feel equal. Age, gender, proximity, and shared experiences all play a role in forming friendships, and it is built on trust, comfort, and love.

In school, we become friends with those who sit near us. In college or university, we bond with those we work on assignments and projects with. Friendship forms naturally—often without much thought. That is precisely why it is extremely important, especially during school and college years, to reflect on the company we keep. Our habits, behaviour, and mindset are deeply influenced by our friends. As the saying goes, “You become the company you keep.”

Types of Friendship

Broadly speaking, friendships can be divided into three types.

1. Friendship for Profit

These friendships exist only as long as there is some benefit involved. Once the gain disappears, the friendship fades. Alliances between countries, free-trade agreements, and even certain business partnerships are clear examples of this kind of friendship.

2. Friendship for Pleasure

This type of friendship revolves around enjoyment and entertainment. Relationships based purely on physical pleasure, partying, or amusement fall into this category.

My Dadaji once said that even Garba, a traditional Gujarati festival deeply rooted in spirituality—where every step has symbolic meaning—has, for many, become merely a form of entertainment. What was once sacred has slowly been reduced to pleasure alone.

3. Friendship for Principles

This is the rarest form of friendship today. Relationships such as guru–shishya, gurubhai (the bond between disciples), or friendships based on shared values, ethics, and spiritual growth belong to this category. Such friends uplift one another and help each other progress—not only materially, but spiritually.

Having such friendships is nothing short of God’s grace. Otherwise, most friendships remain limited to profit or pleasure.

Who Is a Real Friend?

Raja Bhartrihari—a great king who later renounced the world and became a monk—beautifully described the qualities of a true friend (sanmitra) in his work Niti Satak:

पापान्निवारयति योजयते हिताय
गुह्यं निगूहति गुणान् प्रकटीकरोति ।
आपद्गतं च न जहाति ददाति काले
सन्मित्रलक्षणमिदं प्रवदन्ति सन्तः ॥

Let us understand this verse step by step.

• पापान्निवारयति

• A true friend stops us when we are doing something wrong. Literally, it means “one who prevents sinful actions.” Today, many harmful habits—such as drinking, smoking, or uncontrolled indulgence—are unknowingly picked up through friends. Sadly, instead of stopping us, many friends encourage such behaviour.

• योजयते हिताय

• A real friend does not only stop us from sinful actions but also guides us towards what is right—especially towards spirituality. Such friends inspire us, uplift us, and help transform us from within.

• That is why friendships like Krishna and Uddhav, Krishna and Sudama, Krishna and Arjun, and Ram and Sugriv are remembered even today—they were rooted in righteousness. On the other hand, the friendship between Karna and Duryodhan is remembered negatively. Despite knowing Duryodhana’s wrongdoing, Karna never stopped him. This clearly shows the power of the company we keep.

• गुह्यं निगूहति गुणान् प्रकटीकरोति

• Today, games like truth or dare often turn into tools for exposing someone’s weaknesses or personal secrets for entertainment. When someone chooses “truth,” we take advantage of their honesty. When they choose “dare,” we may push them to do something uncomfortable or wrong.

• A true friend, however, is not someone who exposes our flaws. A true friend hides our weaknesses/ flaws and highlights our good qualities/virtues.

• आपद्गतं च न जहाति ददाति काले

• A true friend never abandons us in difficult times. When everything seems to fall apart, such a friend stands firm and supports us when we need it the most.

Lack of Confidence in Today’s Youth and Neglect of Parents

What is it that youth cannot achieve? The youth has immense energy and potential, yet today that energy is often wasted on harmful indulgences, loose talk, and watching unnecessary content. At the age of 16, Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj took an oath to establish Hindavi Swarajya. Bharat, the son of Dushyant and Shakuntala, is said to have opened a lion’s mouth to count its teeth as a child. Bhagat Singh embraced martyrdom at 23. Swami Vivekanand addressed the World Parliament of Religions in Chicago in his late twenties. At just 9 and 6 years of age, Sahibzada Zorawar Singh and Sahibzada Fateh Singh, the sons of Guru Gobind Singh, stood firm and embraced martyrdom rather than surrendering their faith and dharma. Where is that confidence today? The “I can do,” “I can achieve,” “I can become” mindset is missing in most of today’s youth. A major reason is wrong company and a pleasure-driven lifestyle. To understand the qualities one need to cultivate during youth, you may read the blog on the qualities of Arjun.

Our scriptures and history are full of examples where people proudly identified themselves through their parents or their Guru. Adi Shankaracharya openly declared himself a disciple of Govind Bhagavatpad and, out of deep love for his Guru, composed works like Guru Ashtakam and Guru Paduka Stotram. King Dasharath once remarked that Ram did not just follow his instructions—many times, he acted without being told, simply by understanding what his father wished. Such was the love Ram had for his father. In the midst of war, Abhimanyu proclaimed that he was the son of Arjun and the nephew of Shri Krishna. Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj’s reverence for his mother is well known. When Peshwa Bajirao’s mother wished to visit Kashi to receive the grace of Lord Shiva—at a time when Kashi was under Muslim rule and many hesitated to support her—Bajirao boldly declared, “Who can stop or even think of capturing my mother?” Such was the reverence and confidence our ancestors had in their strength and in their dharma. Today, however, we see the complete opposite. Many of us hide things from our parents, label them as backward, neglect or disrespect them, and engage in actions that damage our character and reputation. How can we expect to experience happiness while living against dharma and surrounding ourselves with the wrong company?

The Role of Guru and the Importance of Satsang and Sadhana

Only those who associate with Guru, listen to their parents, and live according to Dharma can experience lasting joy and gains prosperity. Association with a Guru is extremely important, as the Guru’s wisdom and company provide the strength to resist what is wrong and cultivate qualities that draw you closer to God. There is a saying: You are the product of the people you surround yourself with. In the company of the wise and spiritually inclined, the mind naturally becomes calm and peaceful. In contrast, constant association with indulgence slowly shapes your thinking—and then habits—often without realising it until you fall. The mind is very powerful. What you see, hear, eat, and associate with becomes your thinking—and what you think, you become.

Satsang is also essential. Through satsang, you receive tejasvi vichar (radiant thoughts). It helps you live with Dharma and gives you power to apply spiritual teachings in your daily life. Among spiritually inclined individuals, one quality consistently stands out: discipline. They regulate their senses, thoughts, sleep, food, and actions, and constantly remember the Divine while performing their duties. While not everyone can perform intense sadhana as them due to our respective work, but regular satsang is accessible to everyone. Listening to God’s glories, chanting the Divine Name, reading about great devotees, and performing seva—these are simple yet powerful practices which helps cleanse your past karmas, gives you strength, peace, joy, prosperity and improve your overall life.

Human beings, especially the youth, change constantly—our likes, dislikes, behaviour, decisions, and even values keep shifting, and majority of the impact is through or because of our friends. But God never changes. One of Krishna’s names is Achyut—the one who never falls or changes His divine nature. That is why we seek His grace, to remain steady and wise amidst life’s uncertainties.

My Gurudev once said:
“Youth today forget their own rhythm and blindly follow others—especially what they see on screens or among friends. O youth, do not let your intellect become a slave.”

The people you hang out with, the conversations you engage in, and the energy you allow into your space—all of it shapes who you are and who you’re becoming. So, take a moment to think about your current environment. Does it reflect the kind of person you want to be? If not, don’t be afraid to make some changes. Your time and energy are not unlimited. True wisdom lies in offering them only where they nurture real growth. May these words stay alive in your heart and guide you to choose your company with awareness.

Jai Shri Krishna! 🙏